Am I being paranoid??? eh, no, don’t think so..

I lift my freshly pulled pint slowly up to my lips; this new barman really knows how to pull a nice pint of Guinness. The creamy head tickles my upper lip as I let the smooth black stuff flow into my mouth.

‘awww, the best part of the night’ I think to myself. My girlfriend is sitting on the bar stool beside me after sipping her glass of cider and she glances and smiles at me. She later said it was because I had some cream on my top lip from my pint but I know that is not what she was smiling it.

Behind me I can hear them before I see them. A gang of lads from our workplace have just arrived in the door.

And that fella my girlfriend used to like is with them. I was her second choice, or at least that is what I figured out from reading her diary the other night. She fancied him before me. I don’t like him, he thinks he is ‘all that’ because of his promotion lately. He thinks he is ‘above’ us now.

I wish we had sat somewhere else other than beside the bar. Those lads, while they wait on their order of drinks, are all chatting away with my girlfriend who just cannot help herself but sound as if she is flirting with them. And she’s congratulating that guy on his promotion, and she fucking knows what I think of him too. I can see it written all over her face; she fucking still fancies him rotten. So much for the lies she told me when I asked her for an explanation about that entry in the diary.

She got all high and mighty first about me reading it, but I managed to turn it around. She kept saying it was so long ago, old news. And she had me convinced too until tonight! I’ll have to bring it up again later, just to see what she has to say.

************************************************************************************************************

Oh Jesus I am so hungover, such a great night we had last night. I just love meeting up with all my cousins, aunts and uncles. And I got to show off my girlfriend too and she got on so well with them all. I think they like her.

It was a great family night out. Ah it’s hard to beat a good 21st!

Only downside was the way my girlfriend went dancing with some strange fella. I still cannot believe she said yes when he asked her up to dance for that jive. I didn’t think it was right her off dancing when I didn’t want to dance, especially with another man.

I didn’t care that he was ‘old enough to be her father’, or that she ‘didn’t want to seem ignorant to a friend of the family’, he obviously turned her eye otherwise she wouldn’t have agreed to dance with him. Plus she embarrassed me, I told her as much last night before I fell into bed drunk.

*****************************************************************************************

I am getting sick of this now, we’ve only a few months to go before we get married and she is already spending more time with her best friend than me. Fucking new cafe has opened up locally and it’s starting to piss me off that she has to go meet up with ‘friends’ at lunch time. Doesn’t she see enough of her/them at fucking work? She’s always telling me how much laughing they do, and the craic they have at work. She’s always on about them. Doesn’t she have enough fun when we go out?

So what if I get a little drunk on our nights out. Or what’s wrong with meeting up with my friends every night we go to the local. That’s why it’s called a fucking local! It is where I get to meet my friends, I don’t see them at work do I? Anyway I hate going into town, it’s too far of a taxi/bus journey home afterwards. Pain in the arse after a few drinks too.

She wants to go dancing, but I prefer not to have to go anywhere new. Sure isn’t it better to go out where ya know everyone?

And there’s no craic in going to the cinema, that’s boring.

Am going to have a chat with her about how I feel. I think she sees enough of that wan at work. Sure aren’t we supposed to be saving, coffee is a waste of money.

**************************************************************************************

I knew it, I had a feeling alright that she wouldn’t turn up.

Thank God I have somewhere to hide out.

My brother in law is outside the toilet door telling me not to worry.

Fuck him, he hasn’t a clue about how I’m feeling right now.

When she said goodbye last night I should’ve known that was it. She was going to show me up today. This is going to be her punishment for all the shite I’ve put her through.

The ultimate punishment alright. Leave me at the altar, swinging.

In front of all my family and friends. They’re all out there now laughing.

‘the fucking sap, how did he think he’d ever get someone to marry him’, ‘sure who’d have him’ ‘fat fucker’.

Oh Jesus my heart is beating so fast I think I’m going to have a heart attack. How am I going to face them all with the shame of it.

I’ll have to leave the fucking country with the embarrassment.

‘She’s here!’ my brother in law shouts in the door.

‘Oh thank fuck’ I say.

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