Waking up heartbroken, again.

My so-called alarm has just let a giggle out of him in the bedroom next door. Now his bigger brother has joined in.

So much for the ‘lie-in’ I was promised the other day. By the sounds of the snoring coming from the man lying asleep beside me there will be no chance of that this morning.

‘Womens Christmas’ has come and gone and because He had been working that day He promised me that this morning, because it was a Saturday and He was off today, that He would get up with the boys and let me have the morning off.

But me being me am awake at that first sign of boy activity in the bedroom next door.

I could just wait and see if they wake Him up but I know they won’t. He is in the deepest of sleeps caused by too much alcohol last night. Sure He didn’t get home until 3am, and didn’t come up stairs until well after 4. I heard Him shuffling about downstairs for a few minutes and then heading into the downstairs loo but after that I must have fallen back to sleep until He ventured up the stairs to come to bed. He woke me with the amount of noise He was making.

I had my back to Him, and pretended to be sound asleep, I was good at that. I listened to Him trying to drunkenly get undressed and then flop into the bed. I can safely say He was asleep before His head hit the pillow!

This year it was supposed to be different.

This year He was giving up the ‘drink’ for the New Year and going to try to get fit and lose weight. He wanted to start back with His local team again, one of the lads had been asking Him to re-join. He had been so delighted with that. He also wanted to get fit so He could start playing football in the park with his young sons, something He wasn’t able to do with all the weight He was carrying.

The New Year had started with so much positivity that even I had started to believe that things could actually be better this year. Every morning I woke up with a mantra of ‘2005 is going to be great’.

But eight days in and I know I can already say goodbye to any New Years Resolutions made by my other half.

‘New Year, new me’ He had said. And I agreed with Him. Only yesterday morning we had chatted about trying for another baby (am blaming the hormones on that one!).

Now I know you are saying to yourselves, what’s the big problem with one missed ‘lie-in’? like so what.  How is that going to ruin anything? And so what if He broke His New Years resolution? it was only one night. And He HAD to go out because it was ‘so & so’s’ birthday, He couldn’t let his friend down, and He certainly couldn’t be the only dry shite not drinking, esp. at a party. Blah, blah, blah.

You see I’ve heard it all before. The same excuse every time, the same friends, the same drunkenness, the same snoring, the same broken promises, the same argument’s, And every time He apologizes I believe the same shite. I fall for it every time. And do you want to know why ?? because I don’t have any other choice, that’s why.

I ‘made my bed, now I’ve to live with it’ as best I can. And that’s why I get myself out of the bed this morning and head into the two most important men in my life. When I open their bedroom door I catch them both in the one bed under their duvet playing ‘camping’, along with what seems like every teddy they happen to own all squished in the bed with them. Oh to be a child again, such a wonderful carefree time.

I peep under the duvet to squeals of delight and am not so heartbroken now about broken promises.

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